What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
