Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
