I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize