normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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