I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
