He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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