i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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