No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
