she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
