Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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