Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
