Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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