This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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