Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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