WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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