did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
