I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
