So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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