How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize