it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
