God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
