I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
