After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
