she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
