drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
