Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
