6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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