So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
