Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
