Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
