he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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