imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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