remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
