But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
