Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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