I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
