dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
