just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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