Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
