he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
