I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
