Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
