I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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