I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found your dick twin last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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