he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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