Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
