Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
