i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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