So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
