Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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