After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
